from now on my penis is your penis
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
