Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
