I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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