ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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