You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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