I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
