a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
