dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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