Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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