Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
