We're like a lot better than the average bears
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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