Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
