No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize