I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
