just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
