you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
