Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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