He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
