Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
