She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
