I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
