i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
