So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
