What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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