how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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