Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
