jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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