i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I need a beard to bite.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize