i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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