You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
