they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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