I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
