I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
