Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
