My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
