i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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