my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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