Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
