Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
