i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
