New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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