My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
