I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
