if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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