And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
