man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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