I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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