After last night, I could never be a politician.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize