Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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