Whod you bang
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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