How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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