she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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