Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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