i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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