so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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