So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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