as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
