if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Two words: nipple clamps
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