Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
