i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
