can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
