My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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