Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dignity is for republicans.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
