God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
