none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He kissed a someone with a penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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