i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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