So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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