There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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