I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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