p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And then he peed in my hair
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